you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
