Dude my mom stole all your condoms
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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