I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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