i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
