I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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