Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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