Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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