She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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