Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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