Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
