did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm like, not good at living.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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