i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
