Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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