he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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