I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nutella sex= disaster
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
