I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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