BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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