I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
