I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
