dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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