im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
