His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
