Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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