Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
