do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
