Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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