Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
