At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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