nut hugger
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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