I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
