I've blown a few things in my day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
