why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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