she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
