where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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