The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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