when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
