bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
