before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
