Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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