There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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