____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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