I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
