So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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