last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
