If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
