in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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