Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
