Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
