I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
