Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
