Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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