so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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