my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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