Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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