dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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