I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The air taste purple.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
