Me. At least after what I've been through.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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