white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
