We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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