i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
