You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
