All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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