Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
