I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
