I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
