i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize