I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
