I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
