I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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