you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
