Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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