you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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